I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
