Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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