Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
