What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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