Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
