It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
