I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
