I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
