The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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