Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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