I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
