I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
