32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
