Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
