I CAN MOONWALK!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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