i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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