kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
