My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
