Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
