are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
