he puts the penis in happiness.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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