There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
operation have a gay friend backfired
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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