Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
