Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Non-Jews are for practice
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
