Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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