your thong is hanging out like whoa
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
