Your dad touched me again.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
smell my finger.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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