this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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