Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
