I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
