well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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