you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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