I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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