Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
