in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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