Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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