as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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