I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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