had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
