I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
