Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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