Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
