I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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