I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i will never coherently bang her
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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