My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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