Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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