she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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