hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
