we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
