You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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