i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
