Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
