Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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