I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
