And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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