So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
