I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
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For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
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Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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