I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
