Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize