The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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