when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have aggressive nipples.
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