I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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