went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
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We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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