I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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