it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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