Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
