thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
