i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
