I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Fuck appropriateness.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
