i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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