I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize