we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
