I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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