I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i wish my penis had a tongue
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
