I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
